Where Vegetarians Go for Love and War

For DB's birthday, I made him cupcakes, and we had dinner at our new favorite vegetarian Japanese restaurant. The problem with this restaurant is that it is teeming with tables of twos, mostly heterosexuals and lesbians with tattoos and Buddy Holly glasses. In other words, vegetarian hipsters on dates. And not just any dates; you can tell right when you walk in that this is a roomful of people on first, second, or third dates. You are just hit smack in the face with an electric, nervous energy. Lots of enthusiastic smiles and awkward small talk. I point this out mostly because when we enter the restaurant (a family of three including a small child), I swear every table looks at us, and stares. For a really long time. Like we are lost. Even the wait staff seem unsure if we are at the right place. When we went for DB's birthday on Monday, our server even told us they didn't have booster seats. DB had to explain, "Yes you do! We've eaten here before!"

I may have discovered where vegetarians go on dates, but apparently it's also where vegetarians go to break up, because a couple sitting in front of me (and behind DB) was totally breaking up. I mean, really breaking up. Like, a marriage was ending right before my eyes. In public. At a Japanese restaurant.

During our entire meal, DB and I were totally glued to their conversation. I'm surprised they didn't notice that the people with the kid at the next table were not talking at all during their entire meal. Then again, their marriage was ending, so they probably had more important things to concentrate on.

The whole time, I only heard the man talking. I didn't hear the woman say one word, which says to me that she had long since bailed (emotionally) from this marriage. The man kept going on and on, about how they must have had different definitions of marriage, and how she was the one who brought people into their relationship, and talking about whether they should have an open marriage, and would it be weird to have an open marriage if she brings someone home and he lives just downstairs in the house. And through it all, she never said a word. I'm sure she was thinking, "Whatever, whatever, just give me my divorce." Hell, I wanted to divorce him by the end of the night, he was such a whiny prat. Later in the car, even DB said, "He's going to live downstairs in an open marriage? I just wanted to shake him and say, 'Grow some balls! Don't you have any dignity left?!'"

I have to admit, it was shocking to me that they would be discussing this loudly in a restaurant. It was even more shocking to me to witness hipsters breaking up at all. I generally only see them hooking up. It's very volatile, hipster break ups. I guess I assumed they would be more nonchalant about it. "You want to divorce me? That's cool. I have my fixed gear bicycle and my organic quinoa to keep me company. I'm just going to listen to NPR and home brew my own beer until I meet my next American Apparel-clad honey."

And really, I'm going to lay off the hipsters for a while. It's just mean, and they've never done anything to me.